Without Medication

I’ve spent the weekend working and without time or energy to  sew/create, I feel a little stir crazy. So on my Saturday night, with no plans in mind, I spent it at Joann’s. I’ve been trying to support my local fabric stores for all my fabric purchases, but I was out of luck by 7 pm.  So I just shopped around, looking at books, patterns, and any other sewing accessories I may need.

Here is what I got.

Vogue 1174.

I’ve never made anything so detailed, but with plans to go to a wedding in October… I think I have time.  All the bells and whistles in this pattern. It calls for boning (which I am a complete amateur with), china silk lining (NEVER sewed china silk before EEP!), piping, and suggested fabrics like damask (?) and brocade (at least I’m familiar with that term). I’ve never actually sewed from a vogue pattern either! I was told at Joann’s this was going to be difficult.  My biggest worry is not using the fabric suggested. Do I have to use china silk for lining? Do I have to use brocade or damask if it’s suggested in the pattern? I would like to use a tweed or a similarly heavy fabric.

On a different note, I am having a very difficult time being a server. About a year ago I was diagnosed with ADHD. A little late for my time, I struggle with focusing, anger, and obsessing. At my previous job, with health insurance, I was medicated with Vyvanse and Celexa. I was calmer, more focused, and quiet. I lost my appetite and a lot of weight… and with that my personality. I was always known for being a firecracker with a quick wit and quick to anger. After a year of being blander than plain oatmeal, I decided to go back to school and lost my insurance.And with time and my new job, I adjusted to my old ADHD-ness. That is- until my manager commented on my ability to focus.We all have strengths and weaknesses- mine is focusing. With my mind speeding faster than my hands can move, I can leave things forgotten and to the wayside. But what bothers me is the way my manager brought it up to me. He began with immense compliments of my personality: quick wit, humor, ability to connect with customers… then about my focusing ability. When I told him that I was diagnosed with ADHD, he asked me when was the earliest I could be medicated.

I do not like myself introverted. I do not like the lack of creativity the medication prohibits. I do not like to say I “suffer” from ADHD. I like myself with ADHD, it has helped me connect in the fastest way possible to other people, projects, and ideas.  Medication for the core of who I am, the person I was designed to be, is like surgically removing a song bird’s voice. Yes it makes things quieter, but her melody is gone. And yes the ups and downs may be decreased to an average middle, but the expansive explosion of freedom is something my ADHD has engrained into my skeletal personality.

In other words, I like me. Without medication.

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One Comment to “Without Medication”

  1. Is that you ..?

    ..my goodness it is!

    Hey, ADHD is not an affliction to be medicated ..it’s a blessing to be treasured ..like quick-wit ..flexible thinking ..the ability to quickly shift perspective and respond to rapid-fire convo. It’s an adaptation.

    Focus is way too overrated ..

    ..from the fortune cookie factory.

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